Easter 2A_2020

Easter 2A_2020 April 19, 2020 This week, our readings have had me thinking about grief, and the conclusion that I have come to is that grief doesn’t always look like grief. Every year, on this Second Sunday of Easter, we get the same gospel reading—the story that begins on the evening of the day of resurrection, that sees the disciples locked in together confused and afraid even after having heard Mary Magdalene’s proclamation of the resurrection: (“I have seen the Lord!”) Jesus appears to them—greeting them in peace, offering them reassurance and hope, and giving them the gift of the Holy Spirit. But Thomas isn’t there with them. When they tells Thomas what has happened, he still doesn’t believe them, telling them he will need to see some proof of this astounding event. And from that moment on, throughout all the intervening centuries, he has been called “Doubting Thomas.” But what if what we have always interpreted as doubt is actually grief. Would it change how we read the story, how we think about our faith, how we understand ourselves if, instead of thinking of him as “Doubting Thomas,” we think of him as “Grieving Thomas”? I listened to a podcast the other day; it was an interview conducted by Brene Brown (who I’ve talked about before). She’s a sociologist whose research focus is on shame. And a couple of weeks ago, she interviewed a man named David Kessler, who has worked in the field of grief for decades.i. Kessler co-authored books with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who is famous for articulating a schema for the stages of grief, and Kessler has written a recent book that expands those original five stages to include an additional 6th stage, which is finding meaning. But not only has David Kessler worked with grieving people for at least 40 years, he has also experienced his own loss in the unexpected death of his 21 year old son in 2016. It was fascinating for me to listen in on this conversation about grief between these two wise people. And here are some of my take-aways from that. The 5 descriptive states of grief show that grief doesn’t always look like grief; sometimes grief looks like denial; sometimes grief looks like anger; sometimes grief looks like bargaining, sometimes like depression, and sometimes it can even look like acceptance. Grief isn’t neat or orderly; grief is messy, and it is unique to each one of us in how it manifests, even as there is a common pattern in how we grieve. David Kessler defines grief as “the death of something.” It can be the death of a person, a relationship, a job, a situation, a whole way of life. And one of the things that struck me most is when David Kessler said, “Right now, we are dealing with the collective loss of the world that we knew. The world we knew is now gone forever.” We are all grieving, even if we deny it, even if it doesn’t always look like what we think of as grief. He continues, “We’re in this together; it won’t last for forever. But we need to go through it and feel the feelings.” As a part of this process, David Kessler says that we can spend time creating and naming meaningful moments together. He says we can each ask ourselves, “What can I do of meaning right now? How can we all do meaningful moments in the midst of a pandemic?” And when you are in a meaningful moment, he suggests that you name it, and be grateful for it. I think part of how we find meaning in this is to tap into our compassion for each other and to recognize that grief doesn’t always look like grief in the way that we act. We are invited to look below the surface behaviors and actions of anger, denial, belligerence, fear to see what they cloak/hide, which is often grief. How might it change us if we assumed that every person we see, in real life, on social media, in the news is grieving and responded out of compassion for that grief? We are invited to sit with each other in our grief, not rushing to meaning, but being present with the loss, feeling the feelings and trusting the hope that meaning will come. Our gospel story for today is an important reminder for us right now because Jesus doesn’t leave Thomas alone in his grief. He comes back the next week, visiting the disciples again when Thomas is present. He offers Thomas the meaning that he craves, even as he invites him to touch his wounds, the heart of his own grief. This week, I invite you to try to be more present to your own grief and the grief of those around you, and I invite you to know that Jesus is present there with you as well. i. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/david-kessler-and-brene-on-grief-and-finding-meaning/