Funeral homily for Betty Lou Watkins Daniels

Today we gather together to celebrate the life and witness of Betty Lou Watkins Daniels. I’ve known Betty Lou since I came to St. Peter’s by-the-Sea almost 3 years ago. I don’t really remember the first time that we met, but I do remember the day that our relationship changed and shifted. She had come in and talked to me before about different things that were bothering her, and she had shared with me when she was diagnosed with cancer. But our relationship was very much how she lived her life: ON HER OWN TERMS! She would let me check on her occasionally via email or phone, but she did not want me to come visit her, so months went by when I couldn’t seen her. But then she got really sick from the chemo, and she went into the hospital, and I showed up and caught her at a particularly low moment, and we talked about life and death and faith and hope. And I said to her, “Betty Lou, this not seeing you is just not working for me. I feel like I cannot adequately care for you via phone and email, and I really need to be able to come see you every once and a while, so I’m just going to come see you—show up at your house, whether you allow it or not.” (Can you imagine! It must have been the Holy Spirit giving me the courage to say such bold words to her!). But then she said to me with all the grace and dignity of a queen, “I will allow it.”
After that, I visited with her once a week, and we laughed alot, and we cried a little. I tried to get her to tell me stories about her life, especially her work for the FBI, but she never would. We talked about our struggles, and we shared our joys and our triumphs. And on the days she felt too sick to talk, Susie and I prayed with her, and we sang to her. She let me in, and we became friends. She was such an interesting mix of compassion, tenderness, strength and stubbornness whose like I have never seen.
Today, I want to share with you a brief reading from the Gospel of John. (John 11:21-27)
“Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ Martha said to him, ‘I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.’ Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’ She said to him, ‘Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world.’ (pause)
Betty Lou believed. But you see, believing isn’t just about giving intellectual assent (although that is certainly a part of it.) Believing is about what you give your life to, whether or not you give you life to the way of Christ. So when Jesus asks Martha, “Do you believe?”, he is also asking her “do you give your life to things that are of God? Do you give your life to the priorities of God?” Do you give your life to the way of Christ? That is what John’s gospel means when he talks about believing and living in belief. Belief is whether or not a person obediently gives his or her life to the way of Christ and to the priorities of God.
And what Betty Lou gave her life to was justice and reconciliation—working with the FBI during the volatile civil rights era, making so many different and diverse friends during that time and beyond, and working for so many years as a respected member of the legal community here. Betty Lou gave her life to the arts, to music and theater and to helping make the world a more beautiful place. Betty Lou gave her life to helping and ministering to other people. I was visiting another member of our church a couple of weeks ago, and he said, “You’ll never guess who I got a card from the other day…Betty Lou. That woman is sick and dying of cancer. I can’t believe she would take the time and the energy to send me a card!” She gave her life to ministering to others. Betty Lou gave her life to family, both her natural family and those whom she adopted as family, especially to Tom, whom she called her adopted son. Betty Lou gave her life to the way of Jesus Christ our Lord.
Back in October, I went to visit Betty Lou one day at home, and she said to me, ‘Susie and I want to give you something. We found these bracelets, and they have meant so much to me during this time, I want to share them with special people.’ I opened the bag, and the card said it is a Christian character bracelet. Here is what the card says: “Life may bring us joy one moment and sorrow the next, but in Christ we are more than able to handle whatever may come… And then there are several different scripture references. And the bracelet says: “Faith” “Love” “Wisdom” “Grace” “Courage”. These are the virtues that Betty Lou gave her life to, and it was in that giving that she became the exceptional person that we all know and love. And what a gift she has been to all of us. We will miss her terribly.
But we do not sorrow as those without hope, for we know that in the giving of her life to the things that are of God, in her belief, Betty Lou is even know feasting at the heavenly banquet with Bob and her parents and those she has loved who have gone before her. Because we know that death is not the last word. In the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, God has proven once and for all that God’s love is stronger than anything. It is stronger than sickness and cancer; it is stronger than grief and sadness and loss; it is stronger than anything and everything. That is what Jesus’s resurrection proves to us, once and for all: that God’s love is stronger than anything, even death. And so even though we are sad she is no longer with us, we rejoice that Betty Lou is no longer suffering, and she is now living into the fullness of Christ’s resurrection in eternal life.
I had been at St. Peter’s for a few months, when I called Betty Lou up and asked her if we could use some of Bob Daniel’s memorial money to buy a keyboard for the church. She agreed graciously and then she came up to me on the day of the event at which we were using it, and she asked me to sing the hymn that I had written about in that month’s newsletter. She told me that she had really been missing Bob, but when she read the words to that hymn, she had felt better because it had reminded her of him. So I did what everybody I know did whenever Betty Lou Watkins Daniels requested something of you, and I said, “Yes Mam!” and hopped to it!
The hymn is number 482 in our hymnal and it is called “Lord of all hopefulness” It’s one of my favorite hymns because it is asking God to be present with us in all the different times of our days and in all the different times of our lives, and it asks that God might grant us the virtues of joy or bliss, strength, love, and peace—many of the virtues in that bracelet, virtues that Betty Lou gave her life to. The words are
Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy, whose trust, every childlike no cares could destroy, be there at our waking and give us, we pray, your bliss in our hearts, Lord, at the break of the day. Lord of all eagerness, Lord of all faith, whose strong hands were skilled at the plane and the lathe, be there at our labors, and give us, we pray, your strength in our hearts, Lord, at the noon of the day. Lord of all kindliness, Lord of all grace, your hands swift to welcome, your arms to embrace, be there at our homing, and give us we pray, your love in our hearts, Lord, at the eve of the day.
And then there’s the last verse, which is especially appropriate for our dear Betty Lou on this day.
(Sing last verse): “Lord of all gentleness, Lord of all calm, whose voice is contentment, whose presence is balm, be there at our sleeping, and give us we pray, your peace in hearts, Lord, at the end of the day.”